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the determinity to trust is the last resource we have when we’re all hurt

director

Flower, Strain, Kiln, Pigment | 7.–30.10.2022

Özgü Gündeşlioğlu, Natalie Hamada, Sara Moayed, Haliz Yosef 

Kuratointi: Feminist Culture House

by Laura Nevanperä

Väännä säädintä                              adjust the parameter
                             “Radical opacity”
Radikaalin opaakit eleet kertovat  and it will tell you
mihin et pystynyt,                            what you couldn’t do
mitä on tapahtunut,                         what had happened, where are we now
missä me olisimme                          and where couldwe be
ja olemme nyt                                   but I can’t do it alone
mutta en yksin tähän pystynyt                               I can’t
en pysty                                             I can’t

Säikäytän äitini halaamalla tätä                mother is afraid of touch
Rinnakkaiset maailmamme                       our worlds breast to breast
kaipaavat toisiinsa limittymistä                 wish to interlace like
kuin kun olimme yhtä samaa organismiawhen we were an organism
Rinnat koskettavat aristavaa olkapäätä   breasts touch gently the sulking shoulder
                                                Warmth of my Mother
                                                  Wrath of my Mother
lämpö joka jää kirvelemään, imeytyy ihon pinnasta       it lingers, it lingers, on the skin
verenkiertoon ja rintalastan alle                                        gets absorbed into veins and   
                                                                                               under the ribcage
                                                Nobody taught us
                                                Languages of Tenderness
                                                we’re Tender like a Steak
Kielten välit                            I speak my mothertongue
Kielten bakteerit                   but my mother doesn’t speak
Puhu kieltä kiellä ne minulle – tongue your feelings
                                                lick them for me

 

                                                A handful of clay
Pölystä ja maan tomusta    sculpts
vaivatut hahmot
                                                            Proto-Genitals
Keskeltä halkaistu symmetrinen    Split in the middle
Muoto                                     Form a Symmetrical Form

 

                                    There are feminisms like
Feminities, Femen, fem-entities, Males and Fe-males – Fe=iron – Fe-people made of iron and smoke and grit, something that they say it is not a real man but feminized, pushed aside against-their-will
                                    Cell-Sculptures
                        by a hidden hand whose real name is Coincidence

 

Maskuliininen – kovaa, kiiltävää, kylmää, vahvaa  MASC – HARDER BETTER                                                                                                                              
                                                                                                        STRONGER
vaan voi feminiininenkin olla          but feminine can be also cold
kovaa ja kylmää                                                                    and hard
vieraantunutta                                                                      and estranged
Jokut puhuvat planeetoista                                                Venus and Mars
tomukasaumista                                                                  don’t care about your tears
Venuksesta ja Marsista                                                       they’re dust
mutta planeetat loukkaantuvat yksinkertaistuksista       just like us
yritän olla lempeä                                                                 I am trying, i’m trying to be                        
                                                                                                                                     gentle                                                          
                                                            but i’m
                                                Tender like a Steak
Äiti synnytti oman kuvansa                       She gave birth to a picture of herself
pienen, randomgeneroidun  äidin            to a tiny randomly generated mother
joka torjuu kuvansa                                     who denies their image
Rakentaa kokonaan uuden tilalle              and imagines a new image
On itse oma näkymätön kätensä              becomes their own insivible hand, kills the
                                                                       false-god of Culture and Coincidence
Näkymätön muuttuu näkyväksi                 And their hands become visible
Aineeton lihaksi                                           God turned into flesh
Oma kuva omaksi                                        Own image into own image
Mutta ei saa koskaan valmiiksi                  but never finishes, always resting
Lepää, katsoo silti ja poikii                         still looks at and keeps bearing

                                    make yourself at home! but my home is alien
Ole kuin kotonasi                 and I’ll make it in the empty streets and kicked rubbish can
Mutta kotini on vieras                                  in an abandoned ceramic vessel
 ja teen sen tyhjille kaduille, kaadettuun roskikseen      where flies dance
            kirpputorin hylättyyn keraamiseen astiaan

Halaan äitiä niin pitkään että se sulaisi   
                                                                        I want to melt the estrangement between us

 

Just like speech, the Language of Flowers and the Language of Touches is created through interaction, pain of misunderstanding and happiness of connection.
As we have hard time understanding each other, some things can only be said certain way and never be translated to any other language or medium. Something always changes, something remains.
the feelings, the associations, the affects that certain words have
I felt kanashii 悲しい , samishiiさみしいand hazukashii 恥ずかしい
that your wish for an understandable, English text could not be promised
            as I see you and your work
            I also want you to see me and my toughts and feelings
            to see, to imagine
            to feel empathy towards the image imagined
that’s what my feelings of sadness, loneliness and embarresment were from
The Shame of the Dominator
I felt sorry
I want to get close to you all
We’d be all welcome together
on this same plant of land with our various connections
a space where I propably haven’t spend a lot more time than you
            But language can also be like a child
            the intimacy of motherstongue
            A Child has hard time pretending
            emotions are transparent
            if they’re allowed
            Vilpitön, ei vilppiä,
            but babies can already lie and manipulate, a study shows
            the words can manipulate the way we imagine
My discomfort transformed the expression of my feelings to Japanese
Not so intimate but still strong because of all the associations I had grown on the words trough empathy towards anime characters
            Ikari Shinji doesn’t care about your tears, but I care about his

I am touched that you trust us to be opaque in the processes, share your toughts, feelings
            the determinity to trust
            is the last resource we have when we’re all hurt

 

I come across Rooa in the gallery, and we talk about parenthood, like how one could act as a mother or a father for someone, as Koko Hubara speaks about äitiminen. Mothering? After my dad died when I was 17 I’ve grown closer to my mom, closer than I ever even imagined possible. When I left Oulu to move to Turku, mom hugged me for the first time I remember. It hurt, it was foreign. But at some point I became determined to keep hugging, keep cultivating the new way of affection and connection, to learn the new language. The pain in our hugs melted little by little, year by year. But I still wish I had a dad, someone taking that role, someone who could do isiminen, as Rooa put it. Fathering. For me it would mean there would be someone to take me to a hardware store or ceramics course by a car, follow my life from their rooted, elderly masculine, fatherly point of view mixed with unlimited support and akward worry.
We hug a long hug and I leave the gallery with kirpeät kyyneleenalut silmissäni, acrid beginnings of tears in my eyes.

 


Laura Nevanperä on kirjoittanut tekstin vierailtuaan Flower, Strain, Kiln, Pigment -näyttelyssä. Lue lisää näyttelystä.

Teksti on yhdeksäs osa vuoden 2022 TITANIK julkaisua, joka toteutetaan uudessa muodossa. Kokeellisia kirjoittajia pyydetään tuottamaan teksti, joka resonoi kunkin näyttelyn kanssa. Tekstit julkaistaan näyttelyn aikana Titanikin nettisivuilla ja koottuna vuoden lopussa painettavana kirjasena. Sarjan aiemmat tekstit löytyvät täältä.

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Laura Nevanperä wrote the text after visiting the exhibition Flower, Strain, Kiln, Pigment. More info.

This text is the ninth contribution to this year’s TITANIK publication. Authors working with various forms of experimental writing are invited to produce a text responding to each exhibition. The contributions will be published on the website during the show, and later on as a booklet. You can find the earlier contributions here.

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